There are days when I love my job, and there are days when I L.O.V.E. my job.
Consider today one of the latter. I mean, in what other profession can I legitimately combine the words Madonna, Nancy Reagan, Ben Shapiro’s sister, slut-shaming, and blowjob queen in the same sentence, and get paid for it?
Allow me to back up. I’ll start with my colleague, Red Painter’s tweet from yesterday.
Do I want to know why Nancy Reagan is trending?
— Red (@Redpainter1) December 11, 2021
No. No, you really don’t. But if you do, keep reading, because I’ve already given you a bit of a preview.
Ben Shapiro — who has publicly stated his wife suffers from dry vagina syndrome, and who can blame her — apparently has a clout-chasing sister who could use some vaginal stimulation herself, probably. I surmise this from the topic of the tweet that set the bird app…um…buzzing.
This is Madonna at 63. This is Nancy Reagan at 64.
Trashy living vs. Classic living.
Which version of yourself do you want to be? pic.twitter.com/Gj5M0Gqr5w
— Classically Abby (@classicallyabby) December 9, 2021
As someone who is completely heaux-positive, I applaud the cum-uppance she received. “Classically” Abby was pounded for being such an uptight judgmental blowhard, and things took a turn when people began pointing out Nancy’s proclivity for tonsil teasing in her Hollywood youth.
— Zach Heltzel (@zachheltzel) December 10, 2021
Here’s the only difference between Madonna and Nancy that truly matters, and reflects who is the one people should emulate:
For the record, there is nothing wrong with Nancy Reagan being promiscuous in her youth, just like there is nothing wrong with Madonna being provocative in her 60s.
If you really want to find ways in which these two women are different, look at how they responded to AIDS.
— Zach Heltzel (@zachheltzel) December 11, 2021
But because it’s Sunday, and for so many hypocrites, allegedly the LAWD’S day, let’s just focus on the knob gobbling.
— Michelle_BYoung (@michelle_byoung) December 10, 2021
Nancy went around the MGM Lot like… pic.twitter.com/mM5I2yghkZ
— THEE Infamous El Guapo (@InfamusElGuapo) December 11, 2021
Nancy Reagan (née Davis) had a glorious reputation for giving the best fellatio in Hollywood.
Oh, dear. Now, I’ve made @Madonna jealous of Nancy Reagan. That’s a first.
— Mrs. Betty Bowers (@BettyBowers) December 10, 2021
Every pic of Nancy Reagan has new meaning pic.twitter.com/5IY7VSMArr
— ynwa (@_theghettomonk) December 11, 2021
The news about Nancy Reagan has been hard to swallow.
— @𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖_𝔾𝕚𝕣𝕝 (@SundaeDivine) December 11, 2021
The fact that ppl tried to slut shame Madonna and her stans gallantly rode into the annals of history to reveal Nancy Reagan fellated the entire MGM lot is so beautiful to me, as a feminist.
— Camilla Blackett (@camillard) December 11, 2021
Listen, Nancy Reagan being a throatus is not the problem for me, lord knows I done did some things with….. well, this ain’t about me 🤣 but how dare her husband talk about Black women being “Welfare Queens” when his wife was throating for roles in Hollywood. Keep it cute now!!
— 👑 Black Professor 👑 (@WonderKing82) December 11, 2021
Undergoing an experimental procedure to permanently remove the phrase “Nancy Reagan Throat Goat” from my brain pic.twitter.com/FXdRY6t04I
— Rob (@robrousseau) December 11, 2021
Listen. I could go on forever, but I get paid by the hour, and we’re running a fundraiser because this site needs the monies, and it just seems wrong to keep enjoying myself like this, so I’ll just leave you with this final one.
Streets saying Nancy Reagan’s mouth had men around Hollywood like https://t.co/GzwI9ga2Vw pic.twitter.com/9rkoahtAw4
— Junior Maruwa (@juniormaruwa) December 10, 2021
You get the jizzt.